The Alter Ego

i wont be double-posting anymore.

myspecialthing.multiply.com/journal

thats where everything is now.

the more i look back, the more i feel sad. i read the past chat logs, past blog entries, i think about the times before and i cant help but wonder, what's happened? was it something i did, was it something i said? or am i just overreacting? all i know is i wish there was some way, some way to turn back the clock. make things back to the way they were, when none of those shit happened, when things used to be carefree and fine. it's so impossible.

one day when i have lots of money, i'm gonna buy 2000 dollar bedsheets. 700 thread count, pratesi sheets. it's a sign of that you're living in pure luxury, that even your bedsheets cost so much. but then, what happens if you stain it? then youre heart will just totally break because you just stained a thousand bucks.

seriously, some people just totally piss me off. they dont have to do anything, their mere presence irritates me. or maybe the things they say. its just pure irritating, i dont even know why. yep, you irritate me. $^%&!@#$%^&**&^%$ argh!

i think im gonna start scrapbooking, it's really kinda fun ya know. i did it for the cover of my journal, though it's my first time doing it so it's not really super nice. but im so proud of myself! it cost quite a lot though, but it'll be so nice to have stuff like that around the house. yep yep, im gonna go shopping for materials once i get the cha-ching =) one day i'll be good at it!

i'm so proud of myself! i completed my journal and personally, i think its the one and only piece of work that ive actually put in lotsa effort in. and i love it! it's fat and gonna explode soon i think. yayness!

my brother says i look fugly without specs. now i feel sad. do i really look that bad? it says i look like scarlett johanson man. HAHAHAHAHA. the software must have spoilt.

In about 10min, it'll be daryll's birthday. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARYLL! i feel like my head's gonna burst. my throat's just totally dry and im incapable of breathing through my nose. breathing through my mouth just causes my throat to dry up even more. and guess what! cough mixtures and flu mixtures dont seem to have the drowsy effect on me anymore. does that mean they dont work? maybe ive really taken too much. today i met reuben after 32487 days of not seeing him. coffee and nonsense talks are always so fun with him around =) i seriously cannot wait for school to be over. it's just the most irritating thing ever, i dont feel any motivation to go to school, not for friends, not for anything. the only day i look forward to is prolly tuesday and it's just so stupid. the assignments are irritating me so much and im just so pissed at everything. there really isnt much work to be done and stuff but iya, i dunno la. everything just pisses me off. i cant think of a single person that's actually enjoying school. i cant wait for next sem. stress keeps my adrenaline up. you'd prolly think im mad just about now right? i think my ankle's got something wrong with it. it feels all wobbly and weird, i think i need a check up. maybe i should go see the doctor. i wanna get an mc for tmr, but ah, tmr's daryll's birthday, shouldnt miss it right? daryll, if youre reading this, you oughta feel honoured =) school's gonna kill me.

it's my new overplayed song. avril lavigne.
i used to hate her, but now, i think she's matured, and this song's so emo and sad.
i like the part about the old man crying over his lost wife, it's just heartbreaking.

Question:
ok, if you had to choose, would you rather your fiance die before your wedding day or your husband/wife/life partner die a sudden death after 30 years of marriage?

1st thing im gonna do when i get my first job that pays well, get my full body hair removal. except my head of course =) cant wait. so ive read, full body should cost about 4k plus? i dont think its in SGD though. maybe more? IPL that is. i hope by the time i do it, there'll be more advances in technology ive decided to wait for my boob job, get married first. what if my husband has a fetish for small boobs? then i'd regret haha, so ya, wait and see what he says. i think im too sexual.. i cant wait to have sex. is that a bad thing? im reading too much. (anyone who has anything bad to say about this post, DONT SAY IT! it's one of my insecure days again. i think im beginning to have more and more of such days. why cant i have a perfect body?) i wanna do pilates. i would do yoga but apparently, it's bad. actually i dont see whats so wrong about it. if you dont meditate its ok what? no? i wanna do pilates. haha. ooh! or i can learn pole dancing! sexy haha. it builds up muscles ok! hanging on to a pole requires lots and lots of muscle control. i wanna do so many things. ahh!